I Am Second

Relationships

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How do I make friendships that will pass the test of time? Does my marriage have to stay in a constant state of conflict? How can I change my spouse? Where can I find true sexual intimacy? Is it possible for us to stop measuring each other’s performance and instead focus on the promises of God for our marriage? Is my spouse really the perfect person for me?

Being Careful With Our Words

Note from Randy: In February, I dialogued extensively with those involved in the End of the Spear movie controversy. God has laid it on my heart how easy it is for Christians to believe and disseminate false information. Below is an excerpt from the response article I wrote. This segment of the article applies to far more than that particular controversy.

Gossip and misinformation flow unceasingly in the Christian community. One day, in Heaven, they will be burned to ashes by the consuming holiness of God.

Reversing the Trend

Whether from being left untended or from constant use, things will always be inclined to grow old and wear out. Knees will start to ache and catch. Gaskets will leak. Organization will trend toward chaos. The deodorant stick will shrink smaller and smaller. It's the nature of life. Downhill. Showing age.

The Trophy Wife

Remember when your trophies decorated the room like deer heads in a hunting lodge? From football statues to swimming medals to Pinewood Derby ribbons, you made sure everyone could see your cherished trophies.

Where are they now? Up in the attic in a well-traveled cardboard box? Funny how time can tarnish those things we once held so dear.

Taking Time for Intimacy

Why is it that many of us marry our "soul-mate" and after a few years end up with a "room-mate?" One reason is because over time, many of us stop pursuing intimacy. If a third of marriages end in divorce, what's the percentage of marriages that end in soul satisfying intimacy?

The Tongue--Life or Death in Our Marriage

At one point or another every husband or wife utters these words: "I wish I hadn't said that..." So often, we hurt our spouse with our words. Unfortunately, once words are uttered they are hard to take back.

God is very clear that our tongues are capable of much harm. Husbands and wives display maturity when they are careful with their words. They understand that words have a tremendous ability to hurt.

The Deceptive "Fifty-Fifty" Relationship

Marriage, many believe, is a "fifty-fifty" relationship. That belief sounds good and seems to make sense. There's just one problem-it doesn't work.

Here's why: Thinking our spouse must do his or her 50 percent leads us to focus on the other person's performance. But once couples start measuring each other's performance, disappointment follows close behind, and a deadly cycle begins: "you do your part" leads to "unmet expectations" leads to "disappointment" leads to "anger or silence" leads to "distance instead of harmony" leads to "increased pressure to perform."

Picture Perfect Marriage?

What does the "perfect" marriage look like? Movies suggest it might be sharing breakfast in bed, a walk down a country lane or quiet time spent gazing into each other's eyes. Can you picture it?

Hardly! If your marriage is like most, you spend time wondering how the credit card bill got so high, or blaming your spouse for forgetting to register the car, even arguing on the way to church.

Marriage as a Covenant--Our Response

When we understand that marriage is a covenant in which God Himself is involved, it should affect our marriage relationship in several ways. Here are two to consider:

1.    We will be committed to making the marriage work. Jesus said, "What God has joined together [in marriage] let no man separate."

Marriage as a Covenant

In today's society, marriage is thought of as a contract. A contract is simply an agreement between two parties. And while we are not supposed to break a contract, if we do, the only person we wrong is the other person in the contract.

The Bible, however, teaches that marriage is a covenant. A covenant differs from a contract in one important regard: a covenant is an agreement made between two people in the presence of God.

Leaving and Cleaving--Part Two

It is common in many Christian circles to talk about the fact that we are to 'leave' our parents when we get married. But this is only half of the story!

God says not only to 'leave' but also to 'cleave'. The word 'cleave' here means to 'stick to' or 'cling to'. It is the same word used to describe Israel's relationship to the Lord: they are to 'cling' to Him (Deut 10:20). In the same way, we are to 'cling' or 'stick to' our spouse; they are our primary human relationship.

Leaving and Cleaving--Part One

Although in-law jokes are common, most couples fail to find this relationship amusing! Few fully realize the potential stress, anxiety, and hurt that can come if they are unprepared for potential in-law problems.

God established His foundational thoughts concerning in-laws at the time He created marriage. The word "leave" here means to abandon or break off completely. By this, God means that in issues of authority the parents no longer have responsibility.

Is Our Speech Different?

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

Paul says that the speech of the Christian is to be different. Instead of speech that tears down, our speech is to build others up and benefit those who hear us. Is this true of our speech with our spouse?

God's Third Purpose For Marriage

God's third purpose for marriage is to reign over the earth.

A battle between right and wrong is being waged in every heart, in every marriage, in every city, in every nation! Husbands and wives are to pray and discern God's will in situations in which they are placed. They should see themselves as His soldiers.

God's Second Purpose For Marriage

God has placed in the heart of most married couples a desire to have children. This is His second purpose for marriage.

Married couples are to reproduce. Specifically, we are to reproduce children in His "likeness." Our responsibility as parents is to raise children who are Christ's disciples.

God's Purpose for Marriage

"Let us make man in our image, in our likeness. . . God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:26)

Early in the Bible, in Genesis chapter 1, God reveals his first purpose for marriage-marriages are to reflect God's image.